Proposed Constitutional Amendment
Given that, no evidence is required to impeach a President,
Given that, the good of the country is less important than ideological loyalty and party purity,
Given that, everyone who disagrees with me is a de facto Nazi
Be it therefore resolved that within 24 hours of an election in which the Presidency and the House of Representatives are controlled by opposite parties, immediate impeachment proceedings for High Crimes and Misdemeanors shall commence. Each side shall will have 1 day to rant about the Nazi affiliations of the opposing party and generally persuade others that the opposite side are racist, bigot, homophobe, derelict evil corrupt haters of all things that are good and decent, in particular but not limited to, small children, pets, fluffy white clouds, warm breezes, happy thoughts and cotton candy. At the conclusion of the 2 days of yelling at each other and posing for cameras, each side will be allowed a break to send fund raising letters. The House will then convene and vote on the matter, with the losing party being forced to relocate their congressional offices to the districts in which they actually are supposed to live and have, at a minimum, 3 days a week to talk to actual constituents. Because of the harsh nature of the punishment, the Geneva Convention protections against cruel and unusual punishments shall be suspended in this case.
The Congressional Budget Office review of the new Impeachment Day Amendment is scored as follows:
– Recovered productivity of the American people who don’t have to argue on Facebook – $2.3 Trillion per year
– Lost revenue to television shows (formerly known as “news media”) – $159 billion per year
– Lost revenue to outrage media (formerly known as “social media”) – $506 Billion plus 67 Billion Rubles
– Lost income to the Mental Health Industry and Pharma Industry makers of sedatives – Incalculable at this time
A study group will be convened to determine what Congress and Media Commentators will actually do after this amendment is adopted. Retraining programs will be made available and recovery centers opened for those who are unsure of who to hate in non-election years.